WHAT STARTS IN CANNES, FRANCE STAYS IN CANNES, FRANCE

The day started innocently in Cannes, France where Blake Lively helped America Ferrera with her hair and her makeup as she prepared to put on her dress for the latest installment of the Cannes Film Festival. It was a warm relaxing Summer day for both women. The warm Summer breeze floated through the window. The radio was playing upbeat pop tunes. Both women were relaxed, casual and happy though it proved to be just the calm before the storm.

America said, "I really wish you would come to the Cannes Film Festival. It would be really sad if you came all this way to Cannes, France and you never once got to see the Cannes Film Festival."

Blake said, "I really wish I could accompany you, but jetlag got the best of me. I really need some rest because I've been exhausted the entire time I've been here."

America said, "Ok, but I'll head off to the Cannes Film Festival without you reluctantly."

Blake Lively changed into her nightgown after America Ferrera left for the Cannes Film Festival. Blake walked towards the bedroom while wearing black silk bra, black silk panties and a white slinky nightgown. Frustrated sex starved Ukrainian journalist Vitalii Sediuk snuck behind the girl and tried to crawl under the skirt portion of Blake Lively's nightgown. The effort caused Vitalii to press his face on Blake's panty clad rear end and sent the girl flying against the left bedroom wall rather roughly and she crashed to the floor. Blake Lively's eyes were closed and she didn't move for several minutes. Vitalii Sediuk didn't check to see if the girl was safe and well. He raced down the hallway of the hotel room and vanished from sight when the Cannes Film Festival Security started to swarm the fifth floor hotel hallway.

******

America Ferrera was a beautiful revelation in white as the former star of the television show Ugly Betty walked down the red carpet. The Hispanic-American woman certainly wasn't ugly today.

Time for America to pose with fellow Hollywood actors Cate Blanchett, Djimon Hounsou and Kit Harrington for a photo opportunity. What's that? Frustrated sex starved Ukrainian journalist Vitalii Sediuk is trying to crawl under America Ferrera's dress? Is that even legal? Is that even proper? Vitalii Sediuk doesn't care. America refused to say yes when he asked her out and now she must pay.

"Hi there. It's me. Vitalii Sediuk. This is my idea for revenge," Vitalii Sediuk said under the skirt of America's dress with his head pressed against her panty clad rear end.

Don't worry. The Security Guards will drag Vitalii Sediuk from under America's dress.

"Curses, foiled again," cried out Vitalii Sediuk as the Security Guards dragged him off to jail. America Ferrera still refuses to go out on a date with the Ukrainian born journalist.

Cate Blanchett asked, "Are you ok America? Did that creep hurt you?"
America Ferrera replied, "I'm fine. The Security Guards got there before that jerk could get the chance to hurt me. Thankfully, that jerk never got to accomplish anything against me."

Cate Blanchett said, "That Ukranian born jerk had no right to crawl under your dress like that."
America Ferrera replied, "You kind of wonder about the sexual orientation of somebody who acts like that."

Cate Blanchett said, "Well it doesn't matter because the Ukranian born jerk is in jail and he's not likely to be released from jail anytime soon. All is right with the world."
America Ferrera said, "Thankfully, that Ukranian born jerk doesn't know how to fight off an army of Cannes Film Festival Security Guards."