Simon Cowell is on Vacation

Jesus don't these people do anything besides frolic in the goddamn ocean? And you knew Simon Cowell had a jet-ski. He's exactly the guy kind of guy that would. I don't know how to describe it but I bet he scuba dives, has one of those new Camaros and a speed boat too because he's a man of action. And I imagine at one time he had a bright red Corvette Stingray or a white, and gold Trans Am in 1977 with a trunk full of amyl nitrate and Olympia beer that he drove from disco to disco while blasting Donna Summer.  And if he doesn't have at least one of those dumb three wheeled motorcycles with the two wheels on the front I'll eat my hat.